I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
