barbara walters just said penis...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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