Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
