the condom got lost in my hair
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
