Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
