He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
