Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You pole danced in your parka.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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