rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
