my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
