Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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