i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
