At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
