I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
