It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
