his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Terrible idea I love it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
