Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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