He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
