bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
last night I used snow as a chaser
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