This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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