I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
