you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
