Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
