It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
