I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
