New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
