i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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