Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
