Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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