I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
