i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
