i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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