i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
