just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
