Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
