Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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