Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
