im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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