my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
being pregnant is like rehab
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The adults are the big ones right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
