Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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