this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
