went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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