i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
