I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
