I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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