Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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