I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Pappa wants mamma naked
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Randomize
