Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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