Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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