Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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