my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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