Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
