I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
