And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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