Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
