you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
